Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
