Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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