Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I will be naked everywhere
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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