i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
