Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
