i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
