You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
