in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I believe in your delicious
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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