lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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