Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize