why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
