You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
