Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
me + whiskey = a bad person
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