i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
