If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
