So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
