Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
