Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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