There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
