what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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