addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
