Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
