Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize