I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
