he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
