my being single is dangerous.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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