this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
