Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Brb crying the tears of my youth
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
