An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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