I want to make a zoo with you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
