you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
