I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
