i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
