pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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