Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
