i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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