quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
