what day is it and did you see me today?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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