Nicole vs. Life
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was like eating out sand paper
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
