Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
