I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
