thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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