Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
