I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
