who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
