Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
