those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
