Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
