Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
