Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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