my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
