it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
