Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
