Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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