just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
