Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
