Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
