you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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