they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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