i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
