So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
