like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
