I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
