i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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