Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's get the cat blown out
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
