I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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