Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
