You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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