Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I would ride that face into the sunset
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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