Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize