I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
