I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
