He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
