I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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