Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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