Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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