I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
