this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
