yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
