Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
