i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Randomize
