i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
