pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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