FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
