maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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