is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
