Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Randomize
