2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no, he came in my armpit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
