He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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