My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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