Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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