Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
