I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
