Do you still have your period?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
