Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
